Closing The Stable Door After The Horsemeat Has Bolted – This Scandal Just Keeps On RunningFebruary 12, 2013
Until a few weeks ago, the good people of Blighty had been chomping down burgers with not a care in the world. But thanks to news at the end of January that tests on processed beef burgers, sold in stores like Tesco and Iceland, showed traces of horse DNA, that world crashed. Arms were raised in horror (we don’t eat horse – we’re British!) and horsemeat burger jokes, along with Photoshopped pics, mainly at Tesco’s expense, came thick and fast. There are some people out there with a lot of time on their hands.
It was shocking, but mostly amusing, until Findus, a well-known convenience food brand, found through testing that their lasagne contained not a morsel of cow between their pasta and cheese. It was 100% horse. Another wave of outrage ensued, Twitter and Facebook went into overdrive and the Photoshop masters reigned supreme. We’d just celebrated the Chinese New year. 2013 is the year of the snake. The year of the horse would’ve been more apt.
There were so many stories flying around, which may be true (or not). The horsemeat was knackered; the horses had been treated with a drug called Bute that’s dangerous to humans; international crime was involved (?) and other European countries had been rounded up and dropped into this mess as questions were asked about the supply chain. We even had a horsemeat summit here, for goodness sake. I wonder what they had for lunch?
This is all too much, dear reader. Little girls like ponies. But not on a plate, with chips and peas. Unless they’re French. Can’t we just remember horses this way?
So, if the future is eating horse that’s pretending to be beef, let’s have a little fun. Which famous horse would make a tasty treat on our dinner plate? Let’s start with a British classic that gallops a lot, making it as fit as a butcher’s dog. It’s a lovely dark, strong meat.
Next up: a horse that’s bi-lingual, speaking fluent horse and English. That makes for intelligent, high quality meat.
Here’s a real heroic horse that’s afraid of nothing. You can smell the machismo. This is a very reliable steed that will always taste good.
This multi-talented horse knows how to perform a trick. This meat will have plenty of variety in its taste. Just make sure you don’t mix it up with the equally talented sidekick. We’ll save him for the sausages.
So who will be the front-runner in this equine burger race? The choice, Ladies and gentlemen, is yours… place your bets!