Michael Douglas’ Cunning TheoryJune 6, 2013
Michael Douglas is on a roll. He’s been in top health since beating cancer, and his latest film, Behind The Candelabra (a biopic of Liberace), has received critical acclaim. But Michael Douglas also has a theory. He made that theory public. Jaws dropped around the world, followed by a very audible ewwww.
He featured in an article in The Guardian recently, where he was asked if he felt his cancer was down to his years of smoking and drinking. He thought not and put it down instead to a particular strain of HPV (human papillomavirus) that can be caught through cunnilingus. That’s right. He said that. But here’s the good news, although it can be a cause of cancer, he said that cunnilingus can also cure it! Dear Reader, I’m sure you will agree: that takes ‘hair of the dog’ to a whole new level.
A spokesman has since denied he’d said it (as you’d expect). Well, whether he said it or not and whether oral sex really did do for him, HPV has now taken centre stage. There are over 100 types of HPV and most don’t present symptoms, or cause long term damage, but HPV16, is a risky one as it’s the main cause of cervical cancer and is believed to be linked to oral cancer. In Michael Douglas’ case, I’m sure the smoking didn’t help. Still, his comments may inadvertently increase sales of dental dams. Kitchens up and down the land will be short of cling film thanks to the inventive and the cheapskate. I found this video where the delightful Robin gives tips on making a home made dental dam. She appears to be high and looks like a missing member of Spinal Tap, but the advice is invaluable, nevertheless.
And what of Catherine, the good lady wife? I bet when Zeta hammered out the prenup based on his past behaviour, expecting $2m for every year he stayed faithful and promising biblical vengeance if he ever strayed, she never thought there would’ve been a need to build in an embargo on publicising their bedroom habits too. Poor lamb.
You would never have heard that from Spartacus.