Hollywood Just Can’t Leave It Alone! Hansel And Gretel Rebooted

I was idly watching TV when this film trailer for Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters came up in the ad break. It may be out in other countries already, but it’s coming to Blighty this week.

Looks like the old Grimm’s fairy tale has been given the Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter treatment. Hansel and Gretel have all grown up and gone hardcore. It stars British actress Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner as the titular heroes. Renner has been an action man in previous movies like The Hurt Locker and The Bourne Legacy. So why not an adult Hansel, going medieval on witches?

As Hollywood continues to plunder historical figures and fairy tale characters to create vampire slayer/witch hunter/zombie crusher mash-ups, who’ll be next on the list and how do you think they’ll be re-booted? Would Jack and the Beanstalk become Jack Beanstalk: Giant Killer? Or would Goldilocks and the Three Bears become Goldilocks: Grizzly’s Revenge?

A Beard? Hirsutes You, Sir!

John Lewis has caused a stir. Their advertising campaign for the spring/summer menswear features a model with… a big bushy beard. It’s been called Hobo Chic and urban woodsman amongst the fashionistas. I couldn’t give a monkey’s arse about the labels: he looks great. John Lewis has played a blinder here. You’d usually find this kind of model fronting the campaign for some hipster store in Shoreditch.

Abraham Lincoln For The Twilight Generation

Abraham Lincoln.

President, fighter for equality and human rights, and recipient of an angry man’s bullet. This we all know. But apparently, there was another side to him hitherto unknown. Thanks to fellow blogger Invisible Mikey’s brilliant post called My Wonderful, Hideous Golden Opportunity, featuring the video below, I’m starting to see one of America’s greatest presidents in a new light. And I thought his high point was the Gettysburg Address…

Uh-huh. And Winston Churchill was a werewolf.

The Inbetweeners, Movie: Could This Be A Rare Thing… A Good Spin-Off?

One of my favourite TV shows is going big this week. The Inbetweeners is a comedy from Channel 4 about four suburban sixth form boys, with sixth form boy obsessions, mainly sex (or lack of it). They are Will (the nerdy one), Simon (the neurotic one), Jay (the boastful one, who has the least to boast about) and Neil (the thick one). The comedy is extremely filthy and very, very funny. And now they’ve made it to the silver screen.

It’ll probably do very well, but the road is littered with TV shows adapted for film that tanked, because the thing that made the show fabulous in the first place got lost in translation once committed to celluloid. For some reason, many of our favourite British shows of the 60s and 70s stank to high heaven on film. Let me list a few. If you want to seek them out, on your head be it.

Royal Wedding Tat Watch – William And Kate: The Movie

I feel we have established a relationship, dear reader and as in all long-term partnerships, we are finely tuned to understand each other without saying a word. With this in mind, I won’t say anything about the following clip, but you will know what I’m thinking:

I think it speaks for itself. Please feel free to fill in any gaps.