It’s 2012, a signal for the new and the opportunity once again to do what you’ve promised since the last millennia: to create a better life. There are many paths to this goal and the numerous books, DVDs and TV shows gathering dust for 11 months of the year, fall over themselves to help you come January 1st. I have distilled this hardy perennial to the simple diagram below, what I’d like to call The Hopeful Circle.
Men’s Health magazine, a publication full of images of men with unfeasible six packs, is possibly the only magazine to send men into the dark cave of physical self-hatred that women have been living in for millennia. The magazine is in the news because they have a list of the 20 unhealthiest drinks in America. It’s thanks to them, that we now know of the drink that topped this unholy list. It’s called The Cold Stone PB&C, a milkshake made up of peanut butter, chocolate ice cream and milk. There’s more…
Pay attention, you fat, sloppy, ugly, disgusting, sofa watching, chip eating, coke guzzling embarrassments to humanity. The Government is gunning for you. You WILL be healthy, you WILL be svelte and you WILL be a testament to, and a fine example of, the fit nation presenting itself in 2012 when the Olympics rolls into town. How are they doing this? There’s more…
You can dream about all sorts of things, but it will remain just that: a dream, because it is impossible. I was pretty sure there would not be a black president in my lifetime. I also had fantasies of being able to move fat from the places I didn’t want to the places I did, like Plasticine. I could even take off some of my fat and give it to a friend if they need that little extra and vice versa. I could re-sculpture myself a whole new body. How fantastic. How ridiculous. How much more impossible can that be? There’s more…
Well it looks like my London Borough, Tower Hamlets is top of the UK league for… Swine flu. Yes there is indeed much to celebrate, but don’t all clamour to congratulate me at once. You may catch something.
Like an Oscar nominee who knows without a shadow of a doubt that s/he is going to get the gong, I was not at all surprised that we, the beleaguered people of East London had acquired this dubious honour. There would’ve been stiff competition though. There’s more…
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