So that’s it. They’ve gone and done it. Over and out. Well not quite, because we now have the newspaper special supplements, speculation about the honeymoon and very soon, I have no doubt, bets will be taken on when the Duchess of Cambridge (for this is what we should now call her) will have a bun in her oven.
Archive for the ‘Royal Wedding 2011’ Category
Sycophancy, Frocky Horrors, A Runaway Horse And A Cartwheeling Verger. That Was The Royal Wedding, That WasMay 1, 2011
In this final week leading up to the royal wedding, the tat train, like a Japanese bullet or a TGV, is hitting high speed. That train is moving so fast now it’s been hard to keep up. Therefore, I have decided that now is the time to stop chasing other people’s tat and open my own fantasy shop, the contents of which would’ve been sold to procure the king’s shilling. However ridiculous my efforts may be here, it’s more than possible that something similar will already be out there. You have been warned.
Let’s start with this baby: the Royal Wedding Life belt. Vital for when you’re drowning in tat and sentimental goo.
I feel we have established a relationship, dear reader and as in all long-term partnerships, we are finely tuned to understand each other without saying a word. With this in mind, I won’t say anything about the following clip, but you will know what I’m thinking:
I think it speaks for itself. Please feel free to fill in any gaps.
This idea had been on the cards, if you pardon the pun, since December last year. Now it’s a reality. TFL (Transport For London, or Too Fucking Lame, if you’ve had to deal with the vagaries of the system on a daily basis) have produced a special edition royal wedding Oyster card – yay!
It will be released a week before the wedding at a cost of £10. £5 for the deposit and £5 minimum credit on the card itself. As you can see, there wasn’t much room for manoeuvre with the design that already exists and the typography is disappointingly dull. We should be grateful they didn’t use Comic Sans – or Zapf Chancery if they wanted to get fancy.
They expect to roll out 750,000 of these cards, which will be sold at every tube station and some overground rail stations. TFL would stand to make between £3.75million and £7.5million if the cards are kept as souvenirs and not returned. Boris Johnson our esteemed Mayor “ Would also recommend the card to the happy couple as the cheapest way of getting around this city, especially as it bears their resemblance.” Now, what are the chances of them using the underground system? Unless, just for laughs, they want to play Russian roulette with their journey, like the rest of us? Would one be topping up one’s Oyster, or would we, the mug public be paying for their high jinks? And if they did pay with their own money, would they be as delighted as Londoners and tourists alike, when they find they’ve been charged double fare because they forgot to touch in as they enter a station without a barrier and/or touch out as they leave?
So far we’ve had rumours of Snoop Dogg playing at the wedding do, condoms, sick bags, masks and a mug featuring the wrong groom. We’re building quite a random collection, ladies and gentlemen, but we need more! Now where can you store your royal wedding champagne (there’s bound to be one on sale somewhere) until you are ready to enjoy it on the big day? This piece of tat has been brought to my attention by Jacki Dilley, one of my dear readers. As soon as I clapped eyes on this beauty, I was sold – thanks, Jacki!