Fifty Shades Of Grey At B&Q… And We’re Not Talking About Paint!

February 12, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey is coming to a cinema near you this weekend. As you would expect, the erotic publishing juggernaut has had all sorts of merchandising tat attached to the film adaptation to mark its release, including sex toys (to be expected), baby changing mats (50 shades of brown!) and Surf fabric softener (wait… what?!!). Of all the mad things connected to this film, B&Q had to be the most random in my eyes, but of course, if you’re a fan of the book, the link is as natural as having a cup of 50 shades of Earl Grey tea (yes, they’re selling that too).

50 shades of grey B&Q montage

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It’s A Christmas Greeting From Pie And Biscuits

December 24, 2014

Dear reader. Thanks for sticking with me regardless of the amount of postings I made this year (very few).

I wish you a very merry Christmas and may 2015 treat you well.

Pie and Biscuits Christmas card


Blood Test

June 13, 2014

A pint? That’s very nearly an armful!
Tony Hancock, The Blood Donor

I went to see my doctor recently about the nail on my big right toe. She took some clippings and packed them off to be analysed. I’ll find out in a couple of weeks if Fergie the Fungus has invaded my left toe as he did my right toe two years ago, leading to six months of hardcore anti-fungal medication. Some of you have been with me for a long time now, so I feel I can share this with you (whether you like it or not). If you’re new to this blog – welcome!

The doctor then suggested I have some blood tests as it’s been a while since the last check, adding: “It’s time you had it done anyway, as you’re now of that age.” That age, ladies and gentlemen, is 50. Hearing that was only marginally worse than my dad, on calling to wish me a happy birthday on my landmark date, telling me that I was now “on the other side of the ladder.” Yeah, dad… thanks!

Mount Auburn sculpture by Daderot from Wikimedia commons

No… not yet. Wait for it… (by Daderot from Wikimedia Commons)

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Rik Mayall R.I.P

June 9, 2014

Rik Mayall, a British comedian with the energy of the Tasmanian Devil in a Looney Tunes cartoon, famous for such programmes as The Young Ones, Bottom, Blackadder and The New Statesman is dead. He was 56.

As regular readers know, I won’t go into great depth about his early life and career. There’ll be plenty of obituaries in Newspapers and on telly and you can find out all about him in Wikipedia (probably). I’ll just give you my experience of him, in video clips, as a (very) happy viewer.

I was introduced to Rik through a character called Kevin Turvey, an odd, anarchic man-child with a Birmingham accent (at least to my London-centric ears) who ‘investigates’ aspects of daily living like work, leisure, sex and the media. He could talk utter nonsense, and usually did, but he was mesmerising. I was bewitched by his charisma, so I was.

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It’s Easter… Have An Egg!

April 21, 2014

Easter, the religious festival celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ for the observant is nearly over and for the non-observant, just like Christmas, it’s become an orgy of fat and sugar. For this festival, the fat and sugar orgy comes in the form of an Easter egg. Deep repentance comes later once the scales tip over to fat bastard… until Christmas.

I was in Asda a few weeks ago and as I idly roamed from aisle to aisle, I was confronted with the usual array of Easter Eggs.

Easter egg collection on shelves

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