Fifty Shades of Grey is coming to a cinema near you this weekend. As you would expect, the erotic publishing juggernaut has had all sorts of merchandising tat attached to the film adaptation to mark its release, including sex toys (to be expected), baby changing mats (50 shades of brown!) and Surf fabric softener (wait… what?!!). Of all the mad things connected to this film, B&Q had to be the most random in my eyes, but of course, if you’re a fan of the book, the link is as natural as having a cup of 50 shades of Earl Grey tea (yes, they’re selling that too).
A pint? That’s very nearly an armful!
– Tony Hancock, The Blood Donor
I went to see my doctor recently about the nail on my big right toe. She took some clippings and packed them off to be analysed. I’ll find out in a couple of weeks if Fergie the Fungus has invaded my left toe as he did my right toe two years ago, leading to six months of hardcore anti-fungal medication. Some of you have been with me for a long time now, so I feel I can share this with you (whether you like it or not). If you’re new to this blog – welcome!
The doctor then suggested I have some blood tests as it’s been a while since the last check, adding: “It’s time you had it done anyway, as you’re now of that age.” That age, ladies and gentlemen, is 50. Hearing that was only marginally worse than my dad, on calling to wish me a happy birthday on my landmark date, telling me that I was now “on the other side of the ladder.” Yeah, dad… thanks!
Easter, the religious festival celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ for the observant is nearly over and for the non-observant, just like Christmas, it’s become an orgy of fat and sugar. For this festival, the fat and sugar orgy comes in the form of an Easter egg. Deep repentance comes later once the scales tip over to fat bastard… until Christmas.
I was in Asda a few weeks ago and as I idly roamed from aisle to aisle, I was confronted with the usual array of Easter Eggs.