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Retrograde Step

August 26, 2009

Here’s a question for you: what do you think has finally set the seal on the 80s comeback in the nervous noughties? The retina burning and aesthetically insulting clothes? The trillions of 80s comeback groups, from Spandau Ballet to Aha? The new 80s lite pop pretenders like La Roux? Wrong, wrong and wrong. The cap on the 80s revisit to our culture comes in the form of the British football hooligan.

I was vaguely aware of the Carling Cup game last night between West Ham, playing at home in Upton Park and Millwall. Somehow I managed to miss out on the news that must’ve reported on this last night, as it wasn’t until I woke up this morning that I heard of the major ruck between the so-called fans. There was trouble before the game and during the game, inside and outside of the stadium. However, it was after the game that things got really tasty. According to The Sun newspaper, cars were turned over and a pub was trashed. Other reports included a pregnant woman missing a brick to her head by a whisper, a man stabbed in the chest, who amazingly at the time of my writing is still alive and a fire. A fire! Why? It was such a shock to hear of, read about and see pictures of something I thought I’d never see again. Why is this happening? Why now? Why would anyone spend good money and use precious time to create this level of misery for the vast majority of true fans who are there for the excitement of the game? Why is there invariably the obligatory bald, fat, white man ripping off his shirt and taking centre stage, wobbling in the way that only a blancmange in a hurricane can? (That vista is for you, ladies). Is there really so little in the lives of these people and are they really so disconnected that they need to pass their misery on to everyone else? It’s bad enough to cause this kind of trouble at any time, but West Ham actually won the match and it’s the muppets attaching themselves to this team that have been causing the most damage.

While I was trying to get my head around the stupidity of these plums, the news came though at around lunchtime that West Ham could be thrown out of this year’s Carling Cup, if the FA could prove without a shadow of a doubt that it was solely the West Ham ‘fans’ that created this mayhem. That would be a terrible outcome. I feel desperately sorry for the real fans that follow their team come rain or shine, win or lose, because they love their team and they love the game. My knowledge of football can be put on a pinhead, with room to park a car, but you don’t have to be a football fan to know how devastating it is to have your party ruined by a bunch of selfish, oafish, self-centred, miserable twats.

Well done lads, well done.

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