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Celebrity Big Brother – The Final One

January 5, 2010

Celebrity Big Brother is limping into its final run and probably not before time. What started as the celebrity charity arm of an interesting TV concept soon turned into the defibrillator for dead careers. In parallel, the original Big Brother became a showcase for every gobby wannabe in town.

But I remember when it was good. It was 2001 and at that time the celebrities weren’t paid because it was for charity. As with the first original Big Brother, no one knew what would happen and because of this, TV gold poured from the screen. There were two great moments from that first show: Vanessa Feltz had a meldown and Jack Dee tried to scale the wall to get out of the complex. Last night I watched the Edith Piaf biopic La Vie En Rose instead of waiting to see which ‘celeb’ would go into the house, such is my interest in this now. Because it’ll be all over the media like the X factor over the next couple of weeks, I won’t be able to escape, so I may as well give my assessment of the latest housemates and get it over and done with. So, in no particular order, we have:

Alex Reid. Seems like a nice man. Why Jordan? Did you not read the papers?
Basshunter. That shit quality techno polluting our airwaves is your fault, is it?
Ekaterina Ivanova. Enjoy your fifteen minutes, love.
Nicola T. Who?
Stephen Baldwin. He was in The Usual Suspects, a great film. Mate! What happened?
Heidi Fleiss. Hollywood madam, taken out of mothballs. For nostalgia’s sake.
Stephanie Beacham. She did Strictly Come Dancing, now this. Eating bugs in the jungle will make it a hat trick.
Lady Sovereign. Grime MC, eh? Shame Dizzee Rascal slipped through the fame portal first, ‘cos you’re now left with this.
Sisqo. I liked his bleached hair. This year’s Coolio. Channel 4’s producers are so predictable.
Vinnie Jones. Geezer. Hard man. Geezer. British Bulldog. Geezer. Geezer. Geezer.
Dane Bowers. Would attend the opening of a reality TV envelope… and here he is.

I may say something about this show when it’s over. If I can be bothered.

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