The Perfect Job For Me

March 4, 2010

I was on the WordPress forum the other day. Well, I’m on it most days to be honest. This, and trawling cheap shops for strange things to take photos of on my crappy camera phone for the benefit of you, dear reader, proves I really need to get out more. One of the forum topics was asking for people to reveal their dream job. I put my tuppence worth of course and in the process realised I had taken what I see as an everyday event for granted. I’m now using it to create this post, for your viewing pleasure.

Something happens to me. It happens so often I find myself wondering what’s wrong when it doesn’t happen. I get stopped at airports. All the time. It doesn’t matter who I’m with, or not, I’m the one that gets pulled over. There must be something about my face. I don’t know what it is, but I do know in the scale of ugliness it’s nowhere near the ‘face that’s suitable for radio,’ or ‘the face only a mother could love.’ Still, I get stopped with ridiculous frequency, considering the infrequency of my flying experience and the lack of air miles. It was the response of another blogger to the dream job question that set me thinking: I really should consider turning my misfortune into fortune. You get handed lemons, you make lemonade. There are books lining the burgeoning self improvement shelves that urge you to find what you were always meant to do so you live a happy, fulfilled life. Apparently, it’s usually right in front of you, but you’re too blind to see it. What the hell have I been doing working as a graphic designer/artworker/mac monkey (delete as applicable) all these years when I could’ve been doing this? So here’s what I think could be the perfect job for me: an airport security mystery shopper. That’s right. I’m the perfect candidate to be a tester for the efficacy of security at airports around the world. I know this is a job at which I would excel, because it’s a natural gift. It was pointed out on the forum that a person could smuggle anything on a plane if they’re determined enough and they know the weak spots. That let the air out of my dream balloon a little, but I am not to be deterred. This is what I was born to do and I will fulfill my destiny, damnit.

So now you tell me: what is your dream job?



  1. You already know what my dream job is; I’m one of the WordPress member that commented on your post. I have been considering a course in graphic design (not seriously though) because it could fall in line with my desire to own the content and the design of my blog. Why don’t you like it anymore??

    You have resumed the discussion pretty well here. Good idea to point out the lemon story but did you know that lemon can get you blind if it gets into your eyes? However on a pie or on some biscuits it is dangerously delicious. All the way off topic, I know.

    But seriously, I am not sure why you think you could be a good “airport security mystery shopper”. Can you expand on that? What would you tell me if I were a job recruiter and I wanted to know what supernatural skills of yours could be beneficial to the company?

    • Hey, Hibiscus. I remember your dream job now. Go for the graphic design, whether you’re looking at it seriously or not, because there’s nothing more satisfying than being able to create in that way and having control of your visuals. And I hope by the tone of my last sentence you realise I still like graphic design 🙂

      Lemon in the eyes, nice one. I prefer limes myself.

      As for the airport security mystery shopper, I was being silly – I didn’t think I would actually have an interview! But in the spirit of the query, let’s go for it. My skills are indeed supernatural. I’m one of the most relaxed and pleasant looking passengers you would ever have at an airport, which should put me beyond suspicion, yet something about my aura leads me to be consistently singled out. This skill would benefit the company as a small but important element of the overall strategy of security, where using me as part of the training would lead to a more effective staff. If they miss someone like me who’s known to be stopped, then the training has failed.

      Do I get the job?

  2. I’d be the one and only Official Tester for cuisine vying for Michelin Stars. I would be of course forced to travel the world to my places of work (First Class naturally) and be hosted and phampered to the highest degree. A ridiculously large salary would accompany this position and I could thus afford to indulge my whims the rest of the time. If someone’s gotta do the dirty jobs… why couldn’t it be me to accept this hardship?
    The one and only downside to this occupation would be that it’s taken as given that Himself would accompany me. We would loose a lot of valuable family time as because he’s forever getting stopped at airports.

    • That sounds like a great job, Kiwi. There must be a way you could do that for real. You’d have to do it by yourself, though. No passengers, or entourage allowed.

      As for himself getting stopped at airports, we clearly have a lot to talk about as we have so much in common. Maybe there’s a business in this…

      • Himself is a 6’5″ Dutchman who likes to wear his hair longer than is strictly fashionable, and who kicked off the travel bug by hitch-hiking from The Hague to India when he was 18 on a scant budget and squashed all his worldly goods for the trip into a two foot long, beaten up old aluminum frame backpack. He’s notched up an impressive 57 countries to date. Until we had kids(and collected associated the kid junk) we still used that backpack regularly on our travels and yes he would usually get stopped. I guess that with the semi-hippy look and departing always from Amsterdam airport, it’s just screaming “go on, search me!”. Said backpack is even more battered now, and is being used by 6’6″ Dutch nephew, who has fashionable long hair. Ha ha, gotta ask him if *he* is also in the “friends-of-airport-security” club LOL.

        • Oh, please ask him. I think this is a club that can only grow 😉

  3. Ok, even though I am a mall cop now, that’s not my dream job. 🙂

    Seriously, no one’s dream job is to be a security guard.

    Writing about it is kinda like a dream job I guess. But not quite because I am not getting paid to write.

    So really, my dream job is to work at a book store. I love books. I love recommending them to customers.

    • Being a security guard is not a dream job, Mallcop, you’re absolutely right. Having said that, to use the lemons into lemonade analogy again, you could make it into a dream job. I’m sure you have so much material within the job you’re doing now that the book is guaranteed. I’ll try and visit your blog as much as I can, though my reading list is becoming unwieldy now. Thanks for visiting mine. Come back and have a look whenever you get a moment between chasing mall rats.

  4. im still searching for my dream job!… how does one know which one is the right one?

    • Good question.

      I like to think it would be a very strong feeling, like when you find the right home, or the right partner. I think it’s more likely that you’ll have to go through a few jobs before you find the one that suits you.

      The thing to remember (and it’s very hard at times) is that nothing is wasted. All those experiences and skills are helping you to create your dream job.

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