A Squid Was Captured On Camera, But Not For A Nature Programme

May 19, 2010

Last week, Metro, the source of some of my more ridiculous postings, threw up some more goodies to write about. Here’s one of them. A man from South Wales appeared in a magistrates’ court accused of possessing a picture of a man having sex with a Squid. I’ll give you a moment to digest that one. It was not specified in the report why the police were called to his house, but they found pornographic images on his computer, one of which was this Squid. And it was dead. He was charged with possessing an image of someone ‘performing an act of intercourse with a dead animal.’ Apparently, the prosecutors then amended the charge, admitting that it could’ve been an Octopus. Oh, well that’s all right then. I mean, when I shuffle off this mortal coil, I hope my gravestone, or urn would have me down as a Pie rather than a pudding. We must all do what we can to correct such errors.

On reading about the importance of distinction, in order to correctly charge this man, I was compelled to conduct a cursory search to find the differences between the two. We all know they come from the sea. We also know they sit well on a plate with a choice of vegetables. But what separates these creatures? Here’s what I found, thanks to various sources, from Yahoo to Wikipedia (yeah, I know, I dug deep).

A Squid has eight tentacles, plus two extras with hooks and/or suckers or sucker rings. There are fins on either side at the top end of the long head. It doesn’t have bones, but it does have a flexible spine called a pen. It can grow from 1cm to 20 metres, though that’s not been scientifically documented. It’s more likely to be as large as 14 metres, which is almost the length of one of our own 18 metre bendy buses. It can live between nine months and five years and roams the open ocean, either alone, or with a school.

old colour Illustration of two squid

the number 25 bendy bus in St. Paul's, London

It's a Squid, I tell ya!

An Octopus has a round head and eight tentacles, each furnished with one or two lines of suckers. There is neither a shell, nor a stiff bone in its body, but it has paralysing venom, so don’t go prodding it with sticks when you’re diving. It can grow from 1cm to 5 metres and live between six months and five years. It lives in a cave on the ocean bed and because it’s a solitary creature, generally doesn’t live within a group.

Octopus in the blue ocean

Photo: earl53/morguefile.com

I don’t know what that Squid/Octopus did while it was on this earth, but that is some heavy karma.



  1. squids have eyes around 27cm in diameter, the largest animal eye on Earth.

    so what is calamari, squid or octopus? (probably neither, unless you’re eating somewhere posh)

    • Calamari is Squid, for your information and is not half bad, if a little chewy. Thanks for the info about the eye. That’s the size of a large dinner plate, isn’t it?

  2. Ewww… now there is someone whose fifteen minutes of fame are going to feel like a miserable month.

    • Just need to be clear, Oma. Are you talking about the man who’s up in court for possessing the image, the man who did the deed, or the poor Squid on the receiving end? If you believe in reincarnation or afterlife, then the Squid will be miserable for all eternity.

      • Actually, all of the above. And if there is reincarnation, I think the squid and its um….spawning partner?…should be reincarnated as each other.

        • They probably will be and so it goes on. Round and round, never ending…

  3. Maybe he was just looking for a bit of ink for his (k)nib!

    Kalamari sutra? Calamarigraphy? The pen-is mighter than the sword fish?

  4. He took his love for sea food to an all know low
    thats crazy to hear and dead at that! smh well thanks for the clarification on what a calmari is, because i never knew either between octo and squidy.

    • You can love sea food a little too much, as this man proved. Some of the differences between an Octopus and Squid were a revelation to me. That man and his ‘habit’, brought me to greater knowledge, which I was then able to pass on to you.

  5. here’s to “fishing for info” lol, but sad and weird what was thinking of did’nt he know there are other fish in the sea?

    a squid of all things what possessed him to do that??

    • You’re saying this like it would’ve been better for him to go for a Stingray, or dolphin. I worry about your train of thought, Webmistress. Really I do…

      • No you said it(well you did mention stingray or dolphin) no its NOT ok for anybody to BOINK anything other than a living, willing adult when the time is right. I merely was trying to find some sort of humor is such a bizzare tail.
        My train of thought is a-ok my friend

        • I knew you were being a cheeky one, Webmistress and I responded in kind, but it looks rather severe, doesn’t it? That’s the trouble with t’internet. In the absence of the subtleties that come with sound and vision, the bald words on the screen can be misinterpreted.

          • all is well my dear net friend, yes words can be misconstrude in a instant even online when typing is no more than font…differnet people fancy different things and what my be slightly funny to me could have offended somebody…so I try not to cross that.

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