World Cup Special – World Cup Tat

June 11, 2010

The World Cup is here!

From now until 11th July, we’ll be treated to the spectacle of the greatest football nations of the world, battling it out to win the Jules Rimet trophy. You may not had known this, but in the weeks leading up to this event, a campaign was waged to lighten your wallet by selling you World Cup related tat. In the case of this fine nation it meant anything that happened to be embossed, sewn, or printed with the St. George flag. Some of my readers may remember the post where I exposed the crap that was shamelessly peddled for St Valentine’s Day. Today I bring this service to you once again, in honour of the World Cup. I hope you enjoy looking at the following in growing disbelief as much as I enjoyed finding them. Some of these items brought tears to my eyes…

First up, we have some world cup merchandise from Waitrose. It’s tasteful (relatively) and sober, as you’d expect from such a fine store – and it’s boring.

England world cup themed merchandise from Waitrose

Tesco’s offerings were rather shabby. A big disappointment to me after their stupendous effort for St Valentines Day. I didn’t bother taking photos there. Asda, on the other hand, didn’t let me down. They had a set piece at the entrance so you could see how it all fits.

Display of England world cup merchandise from Asda

Now let’s have a look at some of these items in more detail. First up – a lunchbox in the shape of a football shirt!

England world cup team shirt shaped lunchbox

Face paint!

England world cup merchandise face paint

An England Afro wig!

England world cup merchandise afro wig

I see this and think of David Bowie’s The Laughing Gnome. That was not one of his finest moments. This, would be nobody’s finest moment.

England world cup merchandise garden gnome

A few days later, I went to Stratford, walked into a pound shop and was confronted with this:

England world cup merchandise display

My eyes moistened as I surveyed the tat before me. I didn’t know where to start, but I had to start somewhere. Here’s an England mullet cira 1983.

England world cup merchandise mullet wig

And a cowboy hat.

England world cup merchandise cowboy hat

And a Tutu. Now put them all together. I’ll just leave you to freefall into your own private hell.

England world cup merchandise tutu

The Churchill dog is moonlighting!

England world cup merchandise nodding dog

Gott im himmel! Was ist das?!

England world cup merchandise bin stickers

This week, I was at the Elephant and Castle, taking a picture of a decorated Elephant, which is part of the Elephant Parade in London. Once I finished, I decided to walk around the small shopping centre. I then found a shop that sold this:

England world cup merchandise lamp

Actually the lamp is not too bad. This however, is bad news.

England world cup merchandise inflatable footballer

And this is just pointless (I say this as if the other items had a purpose).

England world cup merchandise windmill

Finally I found this display in a local shop.

England world cup merchandise window display

Here are the items in more detail. I have nothing more to say here.

England world cup merchandise deely boppers

England world cup merchandise larger windmill

England world cup merchandise inflatable hand

Leaving this crap aside (pleeease!), I’m ready for the games and I can’t wait. My football knowledge is practically non-existent, but it doesn’t matter. England’s first match tomorrow (Saturday) is against the USA. If we don’t win this one, we’ll be properly stuffed. IN-GER-LUND! IN-GER-LUND! Come on IN-GER-LUUUND!



  1. This is a bit too much, do you not think so? However, football or soccer (Americans, always trying to make it more difficult!) always brought with it some of the craziest things you will ever see!

    I still feel bad when I see all the toilet paper flying around and am annoyed when I hear those annoying horn sounds. As you might guess, I am absolutely not a fan! Nonetheless, I admit some of those things are kind of funny.

    I hope England does well for you, show those Americans what Europe is made off!


    • Yeah, we’ll show ’em, Nick! Thanks for popping in. It’s much appreciated.

  2. Hey now! No insulting the Americans!

    I’m such a sucker for anything over the top like this! I think I’d go for the mullet. And the tutu. A great combo, don’t ya think?

    Good post!

    • You know I loves ya, B! I’ll be gentler after Saturday because I’ll either be jumping up and down with joy, or crying in my vodka, depending on the results.

      If you’re going to have the mullet and Tutu, you may as well go all the way and have the cowboy hat too. Or do you think that’s a bit hen party?

  3. Afro or mullet? Decisions, decisions. Hmmm, which one would show off my patriotism best?

    • Mullet. Without a doubt. Everyone goes for an afro, but you will show yourself to be the discerning patriot by wearing the mullet. And it’ll give your American friends something to talk about.

  4. Definitely the mullet. It suited me then, so why not again.

    • And why not? As Barry Norman was supposed to have said.

  5. Your header made me hungry. I hope you are proud of yourself! Great post. Very interesting. I like buying random useless stuff!! Haha.

    Enjoy your day

    • That was quick work, C, I only made a comment on your site a moment ago! I’m glad you liked my header. It was created with my own fair hands/mouse though self made photos stitched together, along with the typography, in Photoshop. I’m also glad you liked my post. It was hard for me to not laugh out loud when I was in some of those shops, particularly as I was taking photos covertly.

  6. Ah, our own british sport related tat. Always entertaining. You know, at our next match, I rather think I will wear a daisy on my head (the one with the football in it, natch).

    • I think the mullet will be a better fit. And don’t forget the Tutu.

  7. Gotta get one of those mullet wigs…

    Seriously though who buys this tat? It’s bad enough people like those little flags that you stick on top of your car – is there nothing businesses won’t take advantage of?!

  8. I just saw on Sky Sports News (yeah, we get that over here on the Fox Soccer Channel) a World Cup coffin. For 700 quid, you can now buy a coffin painted as a St George’s Flag.

  9. The England Cowboy Hat. Guess we know who won the Cultural War of Independence, eh?

  10. USA USA USA USA!!! lol i don’t know anything about football or most sports (except American football) in general. lol I just always cheer for my home teams 🙂 I like your blog it’s very interesting. I may be adding you to my blog roll. check mine out http://theincompleteworks.wordpress.com/

    • Hello Breanacarrier, thanks for visiting my blog.

      I’m afraid USA are going home as Ghana beat them to the quarter final tonight. Never mind. You still have your World Series (which only seems to cover your country, as far as I can tell!) and the Superbowl. You’ll be fine. I’m glad you enjoyed my tat. Come again if you happen to be at a loose end. I’d be happy to see you.

  11. Hi Pie

    Engerland were crap tonight. 😦

    No world cup tat for me.

    I live in the East End too!

    • England were appalling. That’s a sunny Sunday afternoon I’ll never get back. The good news is the tat will be put away now. Until the Euro cup of course, then we’ll have to go through it all over again. Good to know there’s a fellow EastEnder in the blogosphere. Welcome!

  12. Pie,
    The Dutch tat is growing as they progress further and further, I do however have to whisper a confession that we are a football crazy household so have surcomed to some of the tat too,

    … but mullets? No … I draw the line at the mullet. definitely, absolutely, positively draw the line at that one.

    (besides the mullet doesn’t go well with our orange inflatable crowns lol) We are into higher class tat 🙂

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