Is My Bum Big In This? Stupid London Burglar Gets Stuck In A WindowAugust 17, 2010
Well, I never expected to be writing about two stupid criminals in less than a week, but here goes…
It was a quiet, peaceful Monday night in Bow, Just a few miles from my own Pie Palace. That peace was broken between the hours of 2 and 3am by a burglar, as yet unnamed, who was trying to get in through a 12 inch by 8 inch window. A small space to negotiate, you’d have to agree. Fair play to him for trying, but the muppet became stuck halfway and was left with his legs and arse sticking out for six hours until the emergency services set him free at around 8.30am.
The neighbours came out to laugh at him. Most said they wanted him to be left there, though if it were my house, the sight of his face as I munched on my cornflakes before I left for work, and his arse smiling at me as I approached my door wouldn’t have enhanced my day. One neighbour who’s a surgeon, told the emergency services that he could get the burglar out without damaging the window, but they politely declined, saying that they would rather get him out in one piece. If that surgeon ever gets tired of his job and wants another career, he could do worse than become a comedian. It worked for Harry Hill, so why not?
To add to the burglar’s shame, he was led to the ambulance, handcuffed of course, wearing only his tracksuit bottoms and trainers. He lost his top as he was being freed. The best part of this is that he was described as white and thin, though why colour should come into this is anyone’s guess. Be sky blue pink if you like, but you’re not getting into my fucking house if you’re not invited. He must’ve thought: “I’m skinny. I can get through that,” Kate Moss would’ve struggled to get in that window. Have a word with yourself, geez. Have a word.