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A Royal Wedding Is On Its Way (In Case You Didn’t Know)

November 22, 2010

Well, Waity Katie is waiting no more. After 9 years, Prince William finally popped the question and made it public knowledge on Tuesday. His father Prince Charles jokingly said: “They’ve been practising long enough,” and no doubt, many people were saying: “it’s about time.” Our prince has chosen a ‘commoner,’ to marry in London next year. Kate middleton is a commoner because she’s not of royal blood, but she’s not exactly struggling to pay her bills either, which, I suggest, would make her less common than most of us.

Because I’m currently working at a place with restricted internet access and no radio play, I didn’t get wind of this until early evening when it hit me like an anvil in the face as I arrived at Waterloo station. It was everywhere: in the papers, on TV, radio and t’internet. They appear to be a nice couple and I genuinely wish them well, but by 10pm I was sick of it – already – and it’s only just starting. The fawning, the minute and useless detail (apparently she calls him Big Willy and he calls her Babykins – way too much information), the predicted spike in visitor numbers and the tat being prepared in readiness for this great event, because of course, this wedding will get us out of the recession, won’t it? On that basis I bet Ireland wishes this wedding was happening on their turf. Looks like they need all the money they can get.

"Oi loves ya, Big Willie. Gor blimey, guv." "And ay love yoo too, babykins, yah." Original images from The Guardian newspaper

In relation to this, I hope to find and present to you as much rubbish commemorative stuff as possible over the next few months. I know that I will strike gold in the pound shops and supermarkets, a consistently rich source of many of the items I’ve been able to present to you in my previous posts about Valentine’s Day and the World Cup. If the wall-to-wall coverage of the X Factor makes you want to eat your own feet, you’d better brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen. The coverage of this wedding, from build up to the, ahem, climax will blow the X Factor out of the water.

Apparently, when drowning, you feel a sense of euphoria once you stop struggling, because your brain becomes hypoxic (deprived of oxygen). Perhaps in this situation we should just stop struggling and let the hypoxia kick in as we reach the final destination.

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13 comments

  1. I suppose you can only hope that they don’t also make commemorative sick bags as well so that you can at least feel nauseous in peace.
    I DO hope that you, and other Brit tax payers Dear Pie are not conned into paying a solitary CENT for this party for these rich elitists.
    (Yep, you guessed it, I’m no Royal watcher LOL.These people have done nothing but be born into privaledge and do nothing of real worth except sponge off the State.
    If they were democratically elected then I would at least have a say, however small)
    It STILL rankles that if any member of the UK royal family makes a trip to NZ, that the NZ tax payer picks up the tab for the “privaledge”. What do any of this lot do for the New Zealand Economy? Zilch.
    Worse, I, as a Dutch tax payer as well have to support their counterparts in the Dutch Royal Family as well!
    Come On Wills and Kate… nip down to the Registry Office and do a Pot-Luck afterwards, THAT should be their austerity plan contribution 🙂


    • Hey that’s an idea commemorative “sick bags”. Get them commissioned Kiwidutch, you will make a fortune 🙂

      Pie – Long time no hear.


      • I like the sick bag idea too. Unfortunately, Kiwi, we are paying for it (or some of it, at least). According to a report in The Independent last week when this story first broke, the father of the bride was not going to put any money towards it. If that’s true, then I’m not at all impressed. The man’s a millionaire for goodness sake.


  2. So it’s taken a royal wedding to draw you out of the woodwork.


    • I’m afraid so, To55er. So many subjects have very nearly brought me back to blog life, but my current situation means I’ve not even been able to comment on some of my favourite blogs of late. Still, be rest assured, I’m still around. Somewhere.


  3. Hypoxia may be the only thing that saves us. We’re swamped with this here in the states.

    So glad you’re back, missed regular servings of Pie.


    • I’ve really missed baking and serving regular portions of pie, Oma, but worry not. I will still be working hard on bringing the odd pie or two until I can get back to a regular rhythm.

      I’m not at all surprised by what’s happening in the states. Americans seem to go off like firecrackers as soon as they get a whiff of significant (or not so significant) news about the royal family. I find it amusing and bemusing in equal measure.


  4. I LOVE Wills and Kate, being the imperialist sucker that I am. And I’m so glad that they’ve finally got it together. However, I hate the media coverage that they’re getting. For example, last week, as you may be aware, British nuclear workers’ families were told that their husbands’ or brothers’ or sons’ radioactive organs had been kept for scientific research. These families’ devestation got merely inches; Big Willy and Babykins got quadruple-page-spreads. Everyone loves a royal wedding, but we also need to know the serious stuff too.
    However, I am looking forward to the tidal-wave of royal tatmobilia. And, of course, the inevitable withering critique of the goods (‘goods’, really?) to follow.

    Better put my feet in to marinade.

    PS: can one get hypoxia if one is drowning in a stream of stringy tabloid prose, tacky pull-out ‘collectable’ magazines, china teacups with Willy Darling’s grinning mug emblasoned on it, and nausea-inducing TMI, luvvie, yah?


    • “Better put my feet in to marinade.” That’s funny. Really good.

      Let’s go for the hypoxia. Once you’re in that state, nothing else matters…


      • I did hear something about that story of the British nuclear workers and the retention of their radioactive organs for research. That is absolutely disgusting. So they’d already died due to the nature of the workplace, and then they’d been used as lab rats. The people responsible for that are filth. I couldn’t remember if the families got some kind of compensation or apology from the companies involved. Did they?


      • Well, I’m glad you think so.
        And yeah, hypoxia sounds great, but the orange, clove and chilli foot marinade is currently smelling so good, I’m actually looking forward to chewing my toes off before they curl with Prince Charles related humiliation.


  5. Welcome back pie! You have been missed…
    And our Big Willy isn’t as useless as people think – he even saved a life the other day! So not as useless as some of them..
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-11805613
    I was recently on the Isle of Anglesey attempting to Wills and Katie spot to no avail! Oh and apparently our heir to the “drone” has got himself a nice motorbike – lets hope he wears his helmet then!


    • It’s nice to be back, Ant. My postings may have to continue in this sporadic manner until I’m able to establish a rhythm again. I thank you for your patience.

      Heir to the drone. I like it.

      Our Willy has a motorbike! I wonder what the model is and the size of the engine. And I thought Harry was the hardcore one!



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