The Ultimate Protection For The Crown JewelsJanuary 30, 2011
In what is now my 200th post, I was wondering what I could write about. I didn’t have to look far. On scanning the business pages of our London evening paper, the Evening Standard on Friday, I found this:
You’d better believe it, ladies and gentlemen. Of all the tat coming out related to the royal wedding, this may well be the best of the lot. And we’re only one month into 2011. Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction (no, I hadn’t heard of them either) have brought out a souvenir edition to commemorate this special event. According to the Standard, the blurb that comes with it goes like this:
“Celebrating the union of Prince William of Wales to Ms Catherine Elizabeth Middleton.”
Ooohh-kaay! What else do they have to say about the royal rubber? Well read on, dear reader. Read on:
“Combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-Be, Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction promises a royal union of pleasure and style. They are truly a King among Condoms.”
£5 for a packet of three will give you protection fit for a King-in-Waiting. Well, I say they’re fit for a King-in-Waiting, but these are for collectors only, as I found out through other news outlets. Apparently, they’ve had to put out a disclaimer, for legal reasons, that they don’t do the job quite as effectively as expected, lest the more enthusiastic royalists find themselves with an unexpected royal present in nine months time. Kind of defeats the purpose, does it not? Still, if that hasn’t put you off, then go ahead and buy a pack, but please, don’t all rush at once.
It certainly knocks the British boy band JLS’s promotion of condoms into a… err… cocked hat.