The Ultimate Protection For The Crown Jewels

January 30, 2011

In what is now my 200th post, I was wondering what I could write about. I didn’t have to look far. On scanning the business pages of our London evening paper, the Evening Standard on Friday, I found this:

A pack of crown Jewels royal wedding souvenir condoms

You’d better believe it, ladies and gentlemen. Of all the tat coming out related to the royal wedding, this may well be the best of the lot. And we’re only one month into 2011. Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction (no, I hadn’t heard of them either) have brought out a souvenir edition to commemorate this special event. According to the Standard, the blurb that comes with it goes like this:

“Celebrating the union of Prince William of Wales to Ms Catherine Elizabeth Middleton.”

Ooohh-kaay! What else do they have to say about the royal rubber? Well read on, dear reader. Read on:

“Combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-Be, Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction promises a royal union of pleasure and style. They are truly a King among Condoms.”

£5 for a packet of three will give you protection fit for a King-in-Waiting. Well, I say they’re fit for a King-in-Waiting, but these are for collectors only, as I found out through other news outlets. Apparently, they’ve had to put out a disclaimer, for legal reasons, that they don’t do the job quite as effectively as expected, lest the more enthusiastic royalists find themselves with an unexpected royal present in nine months time. Kind of defeats the purpose, does it not? Still, if that hasn’t put you off, then go ahead and buy a pack, but please, don’t all rush at once.

It certainly knocks the British boy band JLS’s promotion of condoms into a… err… cocked hat.



  1. Oh, this is priceless! I’ve always thought re-purposing the National Torture Chamber (aka Tower) as a treasure display exhibition for tourists was a bit absurd. This is better.

    • It is, isn’t it? Brace yourself for more tat coming soon.

  2. Any thoughts Pie on starting a Royal Tat Museum?
    This could be “Jewel in the Crown” of all the exhibits LOL.
    You know that Royalty like to keep their bloodlines and dynasties of privilege going strong… these would therefore make a great wedding present for Wilthrine. (or should that be Cathwil ?)

    • Royal Tat Museum… hmmm. Let me think about that one (strokes chin, then rubs hands at the thought of taking lots of money off stupid people).

      Cathwil doesn’t quite have the same ring as TomKat or Brangelina, does it? Although Cathwill does sound like Catherine wheel, so there may be something in that. Perhaps we should pursue it!

  3. How embarrassing for Will & Kate!!! Imagine how would you feel if you suddenly saw your face on a pack of apparently not even very good quality condoms. Shame!!!

    • Golden Buddha Today. I like that name. Well done.

      Your face on souvenir condoms? Oh the shame of it!

  4. ha ha ha,,,celebrating their union!

  5. Haha this is brilliant!
    I do not envy the couple at all!!!

    • This should be a lesson to anyone who wants to be famous. Be careful what you wish for!

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