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Breast Milk Ice Cream – Giving Cows A Rest All Over Britain

February 28, 2011

Just as the chill winds of austerity measures is starting to bite here in Blighty, some enterprising new mothers have found a way to make some spare cash. They are expressing some of their breast milk and selling it to make ice cream. Yes. That’s right. I said that. This delicious concoction, called Baby Gaga, is being made by an ice cream parlour in Covent Garden called The Icecreamists, which prides itself in creating unusual flavours. It contains the breast milk, cream, vanilla and sugar. Accompanied by a Farleys rusk (what else?), it’s going for £14.99 a scoop. I don’t think even Heston Blumenthal would’ve gone for this one.

Mr Whippy ice cream with a 99 flake

What's the matter with a good old fashioned Mr Whippy and a 99 flake?

It sounds rather fanciful and perhaps a little icky to some, but if a dairy cow gets the milk sucked out her every day for our convenience without an excuse me, why not a human being who actually gets a choice in the matter? And I imagine it would work a treat for vegans and members of PETA who are against the mistreatment of animals. You will be paid £15 for 10 fluid ounces. But hold on a minute. Don’t all rush out and get those mammaries working to make your fortune. Apparently you’d have to do an awful lot of pumping for that money.

I have one friend who became a mother recently and another who will soon be joining this club. If I can get hold of an ice cream maker, which would surely work better than my peanut butter making machine disaster of two Christmases ago, or go all Heston with liquid nitrogen, heavy-duty gloves and a metal bowl, I could make my own version of Baby Gaga if I ask them nicely enough. But maybe I need to go further. Pissy Gaga ice cream could have a lemony tang to it. Gagging Gaga vomit ice cream would be similar to Tutti Fruiti with the carrot bits (haven’t you noticed that no matter what you’d eaten, the same carrot ends up in your gastric shower?). Baby Gagging Gaga vomit ice cream (which has nothing to do with the portion size) would be purer, amazingly free of carrot pieces and be part of a collection of baby themed ices. As for the brown stuff…

Yes, we all have a plentiful supply – It’s a new cottage industry!

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11 comments

  1. Your frozen gourmet concoction will be available at Waitrose? I’ll be curious to see the packaging. Once this gets big, if you want to distribute in the U.S., we’ll need to talk.


    • Well, I hadn’t considered Waitrose, but if this cottage industry takes off, it will be the only logical place to sell as it’s the store for premium goods (other than M&S, Harvey Nichols and Harrods).

      I would have to think carefully about the packaging, lest the great British shopping public has an attack of the vapours on seeing a picture of a naked breast that is not attached to pornography.

      If you think the U.S. public are ready for it, we could be in business.


  2. Speaking for (or perhaps against) the U.S. – No, we aren’t ready for it. Though I would have no objection, since it’s a healthy substance, we fine broadcasters half a million for a mere “nipple slip” on TV. Yanks live in fear of seeing ta-tas unexpectedly. I think a product of their expression would result in torch-bearing mobs attempting to bomb the factory.


    • If those rugged individualists called the American public would lose the plot over an unexpected tit show, what the hell would they do if they saw a stray penis? Don’t answer that.


    • Is it true that breastfeeding in public is illegal in some states, or am I imagining that?


      • It’s true. I live in a land of eediots. But, I do appreciate absurdity.


        • Are you having a laugh, fella?!

          Although there’s embarrassment about breastfeeding here because we can only cope with them if they’re on page 3 of The Sun or in a Carry On film, this totally natural and vital activity is fully legal in every part of this green and luscious land.


  3. whoa! thats so crazy, but so cool! I wonder what it tastes like though :S surely not like regular icecream right?


    • I’m not sure what it would taste like, and at £14.99 a pop, it’ll be a long time before I find out.

      As a little extra, you may be interested to know that a week after its introduction to the world, the company had to take it off the menu while Westminster council tested it to make sure it was fit for human consumption! It has been reinstated, so people can continue to try this interesting concoction. And Lady Gaga is, according to reports, not at all happy that they are using the name Baby Gaga because she feels it’s profiting off the back of her name. Whatever.

      Thanks for visiting my blog. Much appreciated. If you ever feel the urge, do come again.


  4. If this goes into widescale production, I may have to get a part-time job in the ‘dairy’, just making sure the milk donators are comfortable of course.


    • Lol! I like your thinking. I suspect, however, they may have that area covered. Or not as the case should be.



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