A Spider Nearly Killed Me! (Part Three)

September 9, 2011

Sunday 4th September: 9.00 am

It had been two days since I slipped and fell in the bath, hitting my head and other parts of my poor old body. The aches and pains were increasing, the black eye I thought I had got away with decided to make an appearance and I became uncharacteristically emotional and at times close to tears as the shock finally kicked in. Arnica and Rescue Remedy became my new best friends.

Arnica and Bach Rescue Remedy

Arnie and Res were helping me to level my emotions and work on healing my aches and pains. Later that evening, I settled down to watch The Killing, a brilliant Danish thriller series. Five minutes from the end of another gripping episode, something fleeting caught my eye. I turned to look at the floor near my feet. This is what I saw

Spider on the floor

It was either the original bath spider, or her sister, but to be honest with you, I didn’t care which it was. It was a big mother and I was shocked yet again. My feet shot off the floor, but there would be no accident this time as I was already sitting down. Let me tell you about those spiders: they know when you’re looking at them because they stop dead, almost taunting you, and then, when you turn around, they scuttle off really fast to who knows where. I made sure my bladder was emp-teeee and as dry as a bone that night, because I was not going to stumble around in the middle of the night to find myself face to face with that!

I’ll be better prepared next time. I’m already stocking up on mortar bombs and a helmet. I’m going medieval on that arachnid!

Friday 9th September

It’s a week to the day since it happened. I still haven’t stepped in the shower…



  1. Poor Pie! Certainly know what to get you for your birthday and christmas and any other time you are deemed worthy of a present! If you are partial to squishing a few may i suggest you keep a role of news paper handy to get rid of these squatters! They should start paying rent at this rate. My grasshopper is stkill squating in the bathroom and no way i can get to it as it doesnt want to come off the ceiling!
    Maybe the force be with you dear Pie

    • May the force be with you… yes! That’s it! That’s what I need – a Lightsaber to zap ’em! I’ll have that for Christmas. Chuck in a Stormtrooper as well, mate. Ta.

  2. Aww, hope you feel better!

    We have some that live behind our sofa downstairs. Nothing creeps you out and gets you moving faster that one of those house spiders saying hello to you while you’re engrossed in a favorite show. However, this can become quite an advantage when I want the couch one of my darling offspring are occupying it in the lounge position! It’s amazing how one yell of “Spider!” can clear the house!

    • Thanks for your best wishes. I’m much better now, thank you. You have spiders that live behind your sofa? Eewwwwww! I’m happy to know you’re making use of them. Well done!

  3. You should totally make like Garfield. He hates spiders too and always swat them with a rolled-up newspaper. You should start making rolled-up newspapers and leaving them at strategic spots around your house.

    Or just get a cat. 🙂

    • Ha! I like that. Rolled up newspapers dotted around the house for the spider emergency. Much better than a fire extinguisher. Probably because a fire extinguisher is a rather excessive instrument for extermination.

  4. Ugh i hate these creepy beasts too!
    One famous encounter occurred when I was in the bedroom and one scuttled out by a cupboard. We had no screens on the windows in those days and Himself had sprayed the room with fly spray the day before so, not wanting the beastie to disappear where I couldn’t see it,I grabbed what I thought was a can of fly spray, gave it a quick shake and sprayed like crazy.
    The dreaded beastie rose up several legs and froze stock-still mid pose, Wow I thought, this spray works fast! Then a strange smell hit my nose and I looked at the label on the can,
    I’d grabbed hairspray instead and beastie was literally locked in “full strength extra hold” for all eternity.
    I zoomed out the door to work knowing that Himself would know *exactly* where to find the body to dispose of later.
    (had I had a fire extinguisher to hand I don;t know if I would have hit it with the metal outside or the contents LOL)

    • That is hilarious, Kiwi. You hair sprayed the spider to death. At least you know it really does give you a firm hold… superb!

  5. This terrible story of yours just goes to prove that spiders are in fact evil!!! Next time I’m told ‘it’s just a spider it can’t harm you’ I will tell them this story.

    I had a massive one in my kitchen a couple of weeks a go, I decided to go for fly spray and opened the cupboard next to me for it, the cupboard door banged when I closed it, this appeared to startle the spider and he shot his 2 front legs in the air… now I don’t know if he was flicking me the V or getting ready to bolt but either way I sprayed him and ran away. Later that night he appeared in the sitting room by the TV, I ran for the fly spray and got him again, he crawled off under a shelf. 2 days later I’m hovering and from under the shelf in the sitting room crawls the spider (all slow and wounded like… felt a little guilty). Forget the fly spray, I hovered him up.

    Like us humans discuss haunted houses and more or less dare each other to investigate… do you think this is a legend that goes around the spider world; one spider says to another spider ‘I heard that if you go into houses you may not return, my cousin told me that her friends sisters friend went into a house one night through an open window, 20 minutes later there was a scream and a thud… she was never seen again…’

    • What is it about Spiders and TVs?! Wherever you saw them originally, they always pop up again by the TV.

      I’ve never thought about the legend among spiders regarding human houses, but why the hell not? I imagine the gobby hard ones go into a house to see if they survive. If they do, they go back to spider kingdom and brag about it. Maybe it’s a rite of passage for the boys, though I was told the larger ones are female. Maybe there’s the female Bar Mitzvah for spiders and part of the ritual to womanhood is to pop up near TVs and baths and scare the silly humans to near death by running super fast with their spindly legs. What larks!

      • Ha, ha, the crazy spiders! The ones that survived celebrate with a feast and the ones that didn’t shall be mourned…. and avenged :/

        Hope you’re feeling better any way and not too sore 🙂

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