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Video Game Urinals: The Ultimate Pissing Contest

December 7, 2011

I was alerted to this article, which came out last week.

A bar in Balham, South London, has installed the first urinal video game.

Yup.

Conceived by Captive Media, these video games, with advertising of course, are truly hands-free. They’ll give the Nintendo Wii and X-Box Kinect a run for their money. There are three generous targets you can aim for in the urinal stickers that read start, left and right. An infra-red device in the console can detect where the urine falls, so you can hit on the right answer – or not. Games on offer include a skiing challenge, and a multiple choice pub quiz.

Marcel Duchamp urinal

Yer ready-mades are not bad, Marcel, my son, not bad at all. But yer definitely missing a trick ‘ere …

Fair play to the people who came up with this: they clearly saw a gap in the market. But will this be the death of the traditional pursuit of emptying your brain as well as your bladder as you stand at the bowl holding your chap? Or if you do decide to use the blancmange in your head, what about the time honoured musings about the next promotion, the next girl you’re going to shag, or the next pint? And where will all our whistlers come from? This is yet another tool to give us the idea that we, in the 21st century, have the attention span of a gnat and must be entertained at all times. I pity the next generation.

Men like a competitive challenge and something to obsess about. Alpha males up and down the land will now be training for the ultimate pissing contest. It would improve the aim for sure, pleasing wives and girlfriends around the world. Exercises to control the duration and power of the flow would be good for the PC muscles, aided and abetted by many pints of water: a liquid that will soon become more expensive than beer, if the demand is high enough and the publican is greedy. Like the Karate Kid, they could come across a master to train them: piss on; piss off.

Women, on the other hand, who already know how to aim, wouldn’t bother with such trivia. Well, maybe for a pair of shoes.

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6 comments

  1. I’ll drink to that. If only I still lived near Balham.


    • It’s great to have you back, To55er. I’ve missed you. I hope you’ll be resuming your blog soon. You may not have to wait long to find one of these at a pub urinal near you. Make sure you drink plenty of water, between pints and piss.


  2. Pie, where in the world do you come up with these?!! As I write this, the gentle snow in your background has just started to fall. How fitting — the varied forms of precipitation.


    • But I’d rather be rained on with snow, than piss (unless I’ve had a very heavy night).

      It was a little article posted on Facebook that made me think it was worth writing about. I would usually get this kind of nonsense from sources like my free London paper, The Metro. I find at least one silly story a week there, but I’m not always able to write about it. I need better time management!


  3. On the basis of your posting, perhaps that should be bog, not blog.


    • Yeah, but neither of us are bog standard, are we? (sorry, I just had to do it. I couldn’t resist)



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