If You Think Valentine’s Day Is Total Bull, Wait ‘Til You See This Pie!

February 10, 2012

Every time I think the Valentine’s Day gravy train has ground to a halt, something new comes along to stoke up the engine and keep it going. This year’s contender is the Cock and Bull pie, made of exactly what it says on the tin: bull’s testicles.

Cock and Bull pie

A pie that's certainly full of it...

This delicacy, created by chef Charlie Bigham, is a cheeky little number, designed to crank the libido up to 11 because those balls are packed with testosterone. This pie also contains Mama Juana liquor, whatever that is, and Ginseng: that energetic staple from the East. If you fancy a change from the Valentine classics of oysters or chocolate, you can order this limited edition pastry treat from online supermarket Ocado. Bad luck if you’re a vegetarian. You’ll have to make do with cheese. Or Tofu. Yeah, that’ll get your blood up.

All well and good, I’m thinking. But then I saw the price. “Fuck me!” I spluttered (perhaps that exclamation will engender the ultimate result – and the pie would have had nothing to do with it). £7.99, ladies and gentlemen. Seven of our English pounds and ninety-nine of our English pence! There are two pies in the pack, granted, but it’s still around four pounds for a one-person sized pie. Those bulls must have golden balls. I think David Beckham missed a trick there.



  1. I’d have to go with tofu.

    • Maybe you can soak it in Ginseng to give it the aphrodisiac hit. It has to be said, this pie is almost enough to turn you vegetarian. Almost.

  2. Oh well Pie, just thank your lucky stars that no one actually made a pie that panders to the Valentines hype by marketing pure unadulterated aphrodisiac Bulls**t.
    (since cows eat grass, it would *even* be vegetarian! … howl !)

    • They don’t need to make a pie for that, Kiwi. Valentine’s Day, in its commercial form, is total bullshit. Some of us choose to keep our noses well out of it.

  3. I always LOVE your displays of bizarre, theme-based products, Pie. So entertaining and amusing.

    • Another satisfied customer!

  4. Pie…. I must applaud you for finding the most ultimate pie (probably) … I wonder now if there is a veggie equivalent to fleece us veggies!

    • Well, asparagus is already in the mix (though you may not want the smelly pee), but I can’t imagine what other veggie foodstuff they could use to liberate you from your hard earned cash. You need to come up with something, Ant. If you can crack this, your fortune is assured, because as you know, there are plenty of suckers/put upon loved ones out there. It’s a big audience – go to it!

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