London 2012 Olympic Meltdown Countdown – Lost In Transit

July 17, 2012

It’s all starting to hot up here in Londinium.

The athletes arrived at Heathrow on Monday morning. They were then packed on coaches and driven to the Olympic Village. Most of them made it. The American and Australian teams, lucky things, were given an unofficial tour by their drivers, taking in Buckingham Palace. They were lost. To make matters worse, one of the drivers couldn’t work the sat nav. An iPhone, belonging to one of the Athletes, saved the day. Sat nav, schmat nav. Going old school is not always a bad idea.

London A-Z old version

What area does this cover? “I dunno, mate. I don’t live ‘ere.”

The tired athletes reached the village four hours later, having not had a toilet break. Welcome to London!

News of this unfortunate event spread like wildfire. The revelation that these drivers hadn’t driven in London before (whaaaat?!), made our heads spin. Err… where was the training? What about a rehearsal, to get a feel for the roads in our great city? They only had to do it once. The good news is, they now know how to get back – assuming they’re allowed to drive again.

Four hours is a long time to be sitting on a coach with a screaming bladder, so you need entertainment. Let’s have a sing-along. Yeah, that’s it. How about Drive by The Cars: “Who’s going to drive you home, tonight?” Or maybe I get around by The Beach Boys: “I’m gettin’ bugged driving up and down the same old strip. I gotta find a new place where the kids are hip.” Or that old children’s classic. EVERYBODY sing now:

“The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round. All through the town…”



  1. Pie is back in style! You have been missed. I really sniggered at your other post and now this – super snigger. Anyone who has to drive in London knows that is probably not to much longer than average it would normally take to get across this fine fine town. Ok maybe a tad longer.

    I was driving from north-west to souf Landan (south London to non Londoners) on Sunday evening. Just as well I remembered and read all the signs that reminded me that the ORN (Olympic Route Network) was now in operation.. or was it…? Er.. CHAOS. Total confusion as different sections of London had different commencement dates for the ORN to kick in. And even at that time of night (11.30pm) traffic which would normally be flowing ok had gone crazy. I do this journey all the time and already on day one it added another 15mins to my journey at 11:30pm!!! Not amused.

    And this is going to go on for 2 months. Yipeeee. Not.

    House Arrest everyone – don’t use your cars, don’t use public transport, get on yer bikes, or walk the miles to get around.

    Welcome to good ol London Taan.

    • This is why I’m getting round as much as I can, because come the 27th, I won’t be moving anywhere fast… or possibly at all. I should stock up my cupboards as well. This could be a long month…

  2. I can’t look!

  3. If I had to go for four hours without a potty break, it would not be good for any of us.

    Which makes me wonder — do people running a marathon stop to go to the toilet?

    (Wonderful to see you back, Pie!)

    • Thanks, Jacki. It’s nice to be back. I just hope I can keep it going.

      I don’t know what marathon runners do about toilet breaks, given the amount of water they have to drink to prevent severe dehydration. I imagine they take off to a quiet corner somewhere and get on with it. Either that, or they train their bladders to endure for up to four hours without a squeak.

  4. Wow! Good luck with the upcoming chaos.

    • Thanks, Betty. I’m not looking forward to the travel nightmare (among other things) one little bit. However, in spite of the bitching I’ve been doing on this blog, I am looking forward to watching the games itself. It may help to take the edge off.

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