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Closing The Stable Door After The Horsemeat Has Bolted – This Scandal Just Keeps On Running

February 12, 2013

Until a few weeks ago, the good people of Blighty had been chomping down burgers with not a care in the world. But thanks to news at the end of January that tests on processed beef burgers, sold in stores like Tesco and Iceland, showed traces of horse DNA, that world crashed. Arms were raised in horror (we don’t eat horse – we’re British!) and horsemeat burger jokes, along with Photoshopped pics, mainly at Tesco’s expense, came thick and fast. There are some people out there with a lot of time on their hands.

Tesco checkout horsemeat joke pic

It was shocking, but mostly amusing, until Findus, a well-known convenience food brand, found through testing that their lasagne contained not a morsel of cow between their pasta and cheese. It was 100% horse. Another wave of outrage ensued, Twitter and Facebook went into overdrive and the Photoshop masters reigned supreme. We’d just celebrated the Chinese New year. 2013 is the year of the snake. The year of the horse would’ve been more apt.

they won't findus here horsemeat joke pic

There were so many stories flying around, which may be true (or not). The horsemeat was knackered; the horses had been treated with a drug called Bute that’s dangerous to humans; international crime was involved (?) and other European countries had been rounded up and dropped into this mess as questions were asked about the supply chain. We even had a horsemeat summit here, for goodness sake. I wonder what they had for lunch?

This is all too much, dear reader. Little girls like ponies. But not on a plate, with chips and peas. Unless they’re French. Can’t we just remember horses this way?

So, if the future is eating horse that’s pretending to be beef, let’s have a little fun. Which famous horse would make a tasty treat on our dinner plate? Let’s start with a British classic that gallops a lot, making it as fit as a butcher’s dog. It’s a lovely dark, strong meat.

Next up: a horse that’s bi-lingual, speaking fluent horse and English. That makes for intelligent, high quality meat.

Here’s a real heroic horse that’s afraid of nothing. You can smell the machismo. This is a very reliable steed that will always taste good.

This multi-talented horse knows how to perform a trick. This meat will have plenty of variety in its taste. Just make sure you don’t mix it up with the equally talented sidekick. We’ll save him for the sausages.

So who will be the front-runner in this equine burger race? The choice, Ladies and gentlemen, is yours… place your bets!

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15 comments

  1. Oh no, not Mr Ed! He was like a kind uncle to me . . .

    Thank you for yet another great slice of pie, even if it is full of horse.


    • My pie slices will cater to everyone’s taste, Patti. If you want horse – we got it!


  2. Those pictures are amazing. You are a true artist.

    fun stuff! I’m a huge fan of ridiculous!


    • I didn’t create these horse joke pics, alas. I found them on the internet. There were loads on Facebook and Twitter, so they’re very easy to find.

      I’m all about the ridiculous on this blog, with the occasional serious post when the subject cannot be parodied and I feel very strongly about it. Thanks for popping in. Expect more silliness in the future.


  3. Neigh, I’ll pass. Thank you.

    I wonder what the horse meat summit logo looked like.


    • Well, it could’ve looked like this:


      • I would wear a shirt embroidered with that.


  4. I’m certainly not in favor of eating horse meat, but I’ve always wondered: what if, way back when, whenever it was that someone decided cows would provide good eats, what if it WAS horse that was the chosen food source, not the cow. Then today if cow meat had suddenly been found in food. Would we be turning up our noses?


    • Turning up our noses and running for the hills, probably.

      I haven’t eaten red meat for over 20 years, so technically I’m not affected, but I still feel sorry for those who ate their meat in good faith to find out it wasn’t what they thought it was. It’s the deception that’s the issue.


  5. Ee-yew.

    Was there really international crime involved? What was that all about?

    Back in the day I was studying in France and living with a French family. One day they informed me that we were having horse meat for dinner and made it clear that they expected me to have some.

    Being young and timid at that time, I didn’t feel I had a choice. I almost got sick. Not to mention that it was tough and didn’t taste very good at all.


    • I’m sorry to have brought back such bitter memories of horses past, Jacki, but you must admit, this is a juicy story.

      I imagine the international crime is to do with fraud in the supply chain. The story has certainly expanded since I originally wrote this post. A couple of British abattoirs were raided this week and three people in total from both places have been arrested, More supermarkets here have withdrawn meat products after testing and finding they contain horse and Norway have now joined in by pulling Findus products off the shelves.

      The only thing I want to know about a horse is where it finishes in the 2.45 at Epsom.


  6. What cracks me up is that people are suddenly turning pseudo-vegetarian because of this and turning to non-meat prepackaged meals. Who’s to say there isn’t something untoward in those veggies too?


    • You’re absolutely right, Val. The vegetarians and pseudo-vegetarians alike shouldn’t be too smug just yet. There could be contents of the bottom of a hamster cage in those Quorn burgers (muesli certainly looks like it). Or rabbit pellets masquerading as Soya pieces. There was a real-life food scare for veggies a couple of years ago, when cucumbers from Germany (insert your own joke here) were found to be contaminated with a deadly bacteria and some people sadly died.


      • I might have to do a cartoon of rabbit pellets masquerading as Soya pieces.

        Was that the cucumbers that turned into contaminated bean sprouts? (I got very confused by that story at the time). I know I stopped eating both for quite a while. Yes, it was sad that people died.



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