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Michael Douglas’ Cunning Theory

June 6, 2013

Michael Douglas is on a roll. He’s been in top health since beating cancer, and his latest film, Behind The Candelabra (a biopic of Liberace), has received critical acclaim. But Michael Douglas also has a theory. He made that theory public. Jaws dropped around the world, followed by a very audible ewwww.

Michael Douglas

He featured in an article in The Guardian recently, where he was asked if he felt his cancer was down to his years of smoking and drinking. He thought not and put it down instead to a particular strain of HPV (human papillomavirus) that can be caught through cunnilingus. That’s right. He said that. But here’s the good news, although it can be a cause of cancer, he said that cunnilingus can also cure it! Dear Reader, I’m sure you will agree: that takes ‘hair of the dog’ to a whole new level.

A spokesman has since denied he’d said it (as you’d expect). Well, whether he said it or not and whether oral sex really did do for him, HPV has now taken centre stage. There are over 100 types of HPV and most don’t present symptoms, or cause long term damage, but HPV16, is a risky one as it’s the main cause of cervical cancer and is believed to be linked to oral cancer. In Michael Douglas’ case, I’m sure the smoking didn’t help. Still, his comments may inadvertently increase sales of dental dams. Kitchens up and down the land will be short of cling film thanks to the inventive and the cheapskate. I found this video where the delightful Robin gives tips on making a home made dental dam. She appears to be high and looks like a missing member of Spinal Tap, but the advice is invaluable, nevertheless.

And what of Catherine, the good lady wife? I bet when Zeta hammered out the prenup based on his past behaviour, expecting $2m for every year he stayed faithful and promising biblical vengeance if he ever strayed, she never thought there would’ve been a need to build in an embargo on publicising their bedroom habits too. Poor lamb.

You would never have heard that from Spartacus.

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14 comments

  1. I dunno about useful but she sure does look like she’s fallen head first out of spinal tap…


    • I know. I couldn’t stop laughing when I first saw it, but I’m sure it’s useful to someone.


  2. I understand that there is a recording of him saying it.

    I wonder why he felt compelled to answer that question. No one really knows what caused his cancer, not even his doctors. Why is he afraid to say “I don’t know.”


    • Yes, there is a recording of it. The Guardian, who originally published the interview, published the transcript and a short clip of the relevant part recently in response to Michael Douglas’ spokesman denying he said what he said.

      Who knows why he said what he did, but he’s unintentionally brought HPV to the public arena much more effectively than any amount of worthy campaigns. As they say, it’s all good!


  3. Strange that someone shoots from the lip with such talk then gets gagged by the PR!


    • Indeed. Personally, it hasn’t changed how I feel about him and although it’s been amusing, I can’t imagine his career will be damaged by it.


  4. Truly an extraordinary story. You’d think he’d have more self-respect than to make himself look like a nut.

    Robin is a rare bird in the land. So practical!


    • It wasn’t the smartest thing he could’ve said, if he wanted to retain the celebrity/star mystique, but as I said, I don’t think it will damage his career much. What it’ll do to his marriage is another matter.

      Robin is very practical. We should all be more like her.


  5. I’ve read speculation from physicians that it wasn’t “throat” cancer, but more specifically oropharyngeal cancer. That would point to his own history of smoking and drinking, rather than HPV, and he would therefore have to face being solely (rather than partly) responsible for causing it. If not for the prurient interest angle of oral sex, this probably wouldn’t be a news story at all. Oh well…

    Anyway, it never hurts for people to become more aware of preventable diseases.


    • Awareness of preventable diseases is definitely the positive side of this story. Whether it’s HPV, or excessive smoking and drinking, it’s all good!


  6. Definitely too much information… and surely the dismissal of any notion at his drinking and smoking had any influence on his getting cancer seems naive.
    I think he appears more of a prat because it comes out with the attitude of boasting .. what he does in the bedroom should be between him and his wife and what’s private should stay private.

    Did he talk to Catherine before he aired their bedroom secrets to the press? Probably not, I’d guess. Might he be backpedaling as fast as possible because his lady wife gave him an earful once he got home about not keeping their intimate moments to himself… I’d guess the chances are rather high on that one.

    I think it comes down to ridiculously large ego and attention grabbing more than any idea of getting out a public health message… and once the press and public saw that he looked like a fool.
    If this was a serious concern for a genuine health matter then there are certainly better and more credible ways to raise the issue, but this is just a big ego trip as far as I can see, and worse, palming it off as something sensational and voyeuristic like “it was our sex life that did it” belittles the fact that things like smoking can and does have a devastating influence on shortening your life.

    For the revelations of his intimate moments with his wife, for me any credibility he might have had as a husband and a gentleman has been replaced forever by just plain “ewwww”.


    • I didn’t get the feeling he said what he did as a health warning. More a reason/excuse. As many people have said, it was his other lifestyle habits that probably did for him and he’s decided to put the blame elsewhere.

      Although I still have respect for him as an actor in most of the films he’s done, I’d never thought he was much cop as a husband, if the stories I’d read about him over the years was anything to go by.


      • Couldn’t agree more Pie, He’s gone down in my estimation a lot, especially as a husband.



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