The Royal Baby Is Here, In Case You Didn’t Know.July 23, 2013
It’s been very quiet on the royal baby front these past few months. Even the tat attached to these events, which you know I love to gently mock, had been in short supply. That was until early Monday morning, when the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, also known as Kate and William, went into St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington, because the baby was now ready to say hello to the world. The sycophancy and slew of royal baby related tat hit us with the force and fury of a dodgy curry left out overnight and eaten for breakfast, subsequently welding us to the toilet, while we cry out for it all to stop.
I wish the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge the very best as individuals and I’m sure William will be thinking of his mother, but the level of toadying and blanket coverage to the exclusion of all else is quite frankly ridiculous. I do feel a bit sorry for the journalists who have had to fill in hours of inactivity with inane observations and interviews with the royal well-wishers, some of whom had bagged their spot weeks ago. Can’t imagine they’d smell too good. Royal reporters have been picked from their shelves and dusted off to speculate on the royal event with about as much knowledge as the rest of the country. Nice work if you can get it. The Pitbull paps from all around the world are chomping at the bit, penned in like cattle. When the royal couple eventually emerge (probably with John Terry), there will be carnage. Even The Guardian, the paper for the left leaning, turned into the Daily Mail for the day, wondering what kind of grandmother Carole Middleton would make. Thank goodness for social media. You can always rely on it to be more irreverent, to gain some balance.
The new royal addition, a boy, arrived at around 4.25pm. Although it was said that the child would be the rightful heir regardless of gender, I’m sure the conservatives of Blighty breathed a huge sigh of relief. Tradition, dear boy, tradition!
Let’s take a moment away from the madness to think of the family of Jacintha Saldanha. She was the nurse duped by Australian prank DJs who got through to the ward where Kate was staying when she was suffering from extreme morning sickness. Mrs Saldanha took her own life a few days later. These won’t be happy days for them.
So the baby is now here, but that isn’t the end of it. Because at the time of writing, the media are playing the guessing game of when the royal couple will leave the hospital with the little one, what the name of the baby will be (bets have already been taken) and how long it’ll be before they crack on with producing number two.
I’d better go and get some Imodium. It’s going to be a long week.