Archive for the ‘Crime’ Category

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Drunk Devon Man Attempts To Have Sex With An Ambulance

February 20, 2013

You read the title correctly, dear reader.

A young man from Barnstaple, Devon, appeared in court after trying to have sex with an ambulance. Fuelled by drink and drugs (cannabis and amphetamine, if you’re interested), he started his seduction by setting fire to a packet of peanuts in a phone box. He then proceeded to spread himself across the front of this particularly big old unit. According to the police, it ‘looked as though he was attempting to make love to the front of the ambulance’.

London ambulance

We’re not just here for emergencies…

Ambulances are used to picking up people. In this instance, the role was reversed and it didn’t end well. The would-be Romeo was eventually arrested for being drunk and disorderly after shouting insults at a Scottish police officer.

Once in court, in the cold light of day, when the beer goggles had cleared and the cannabis induced aphrodisiac had worn off, he admitted to taking drugs and alcohol that night, but had now seen the error of his ways. He was found guilty of being drunk and disorderly and in possession of drugs. He was given a £60 fine with a six-month community order.

It is not known if the ambulance intended to sue for damages.

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Oscar Pistorius Shoots His Girlfriend On Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2013

I woke up this morning to the news that Oscar Pistorius, Paralympic champion and the most famous South African after Nelson Mandela, had shot dead his girlfriend at his home in a gated community in Pretoria. Initial reports said he might have mistaken Reeva Steenkamp, a model, for a burglar. I fought against jumping to conclusions straight away and decided to reserve judgement until the dust had started to settle. However, I should tell you, dear reader, I was wondering what the poor girl did to be mistaken for an intruder. Did she come in through the back door? Did she climb through the window like the Milk Tray Man to give him a Valentine surprise? Was he tired and wasn’t thinking straight?

Oscar Pistorius at London Olympics 2012

There’s more…

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Stephen Lawrence: Justice Served, But It’s Not Over Yet

January 5, 2012

Eighteen years after an A-level student with ambitions to be an architect called Stephen Lawrence was murdered by a group of young men on the streets of Eltham, South London, because he had the temerity to come into this world with a black skin, two members of that group are now starting a life in jail.

Stephen Lawrence

There’s more…

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Supergran Gives Brazen Robbers A Good Old Slap… Result!

February 8, 2011

You know how much I love a good story of justice served, so this story of a Northampton granny going medieval on a bunch of robbers has been my tickle of the week. There’s more…

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A Squid Was Captured On Camera, But Not For A Nature Programme

May 19, 2010

Last week, Metro, the source of some of my more ridiculous postings, threw up some more goodies to write about. Here’s one of them. A man from South Wales appeared in a magistrates’ court accused of possessing a picture of a man having sex with a Squid. I’ll give you a moment to digest that one. There’s more…