Archive for the ‘London centric’ Category


Blood Test

June 13, 2014

A pint? That’s very nearly an armful!
Tony Hancock, The Blood Donor

I went to see my doctor recently about the nail on my big right toe. She took some clippings and packed them off to be analysed. I’ll find out in a couple of weeks if Fergie the Fungus has invaded my left toe as he did my right toe two years ago, leading to six months of hardcore anti-fungal medication. Some of you have been with me for a long time now, so I feel I can share this with you (whether you like it or not). If you’re new to this blog – welcome!

The doctor then suggested I have some blood tests as it’s been a while since the last check, adding: “It’s time you had it done anyway, as you’re now of that age.” That age, ladies and gentlemen, is 50. Hearing that was only marginally worse than my dad, on calling to wish me a happy birthday on my landmark date, telling me that I was now “on the other side of the ladder.” Yeah, dad… thanks!

Mount Auburn sculpture by Daderot from Wikimedia commons

No… not yet. Wait for it… (by Daderot from Wikimedia Commons)

There’s more…


It’s Easter… Have An Egg!

April 21, 2014

Easter, the religious festival celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ for the observant is nearly over and for the non-observant, just like Christmas, it’s become an orgy of fat and sugar. For this festival, the fat and sugar orgy comes in the form of an Easter egg. Deep repentance comes later once the scales tip over to fat bastard… until Christmas.

I was in Asda a few weeks ago and as I idly roamed from aisle to aisle, I was confronted with the usual array of Easter Eggs.

Easter egg collection on shelves

There’s more…



May 29, 2013

It’s a week to the day since Woolwich, an unremarkable part of south London became the focus of the world for the most horrible of reasons.

There’s more…


Can You Smell The ‘Erb? Stupid London Drug Runner Walks Past Police Smelling Of Cannabis

March 7, 2013

Welcome to my first stupid criminal post of 2013. It’s a while since I’ve written about inept felons. There were plenty of candidates vying for my attention, including the robbers in Australia who tunnelled their way to a jewellery store, only to surface in a KFC, and the prisoner in Sri Lanka with a mobile phone hidden in his rectum, caught out by the ring tone. But this, ladies and gentlemen, is the best one so far, and it happened in my borough. I will admit I shed a tear with both pride and laughter as I read this story. It takes a special brand of stupidity to do the following.

spliff joint

A young man came up the escalator in Bethnal Green Station with a handy stash of cannabis, ketamine hydrochloride and ecstasy. As he passed two officers at the ticket hall, a waft of the ‘erb caught their attention and they asked him to step into a side room to be searched. He didn’t need to be told twice – he made a run for it, out of the station and into the museum gardens nearby where he dumped his goods. He walked back towards them and was promptly arrested. A police dog handler was called in, the plucky dog called Buster found the incriminating evidence and a subsequent trip to the drug runner’s Hackney home revealed more drugs, plus weighing scales and a ledger. He now has two and a half years in a Young Offender’s Institute to think about where he went wrong.

Buster has since retired after six years on the job. I wonder if he still has a septum.


Pie’s 300th Post – I Was At The Paralympics! (Part Two)

September 20, 2012

Technically, this is my 301st post, but as it’s a continuation of my Paralympics experience, it will remain at 300. If you want to have a fight about this, we can take it outside…

So, to recap: I had tried in vain for two weeks to get a ticket for these games, but on the Friday, by sheer good fortune, I was able to watch some wheelchair basketball. Then, at the 11th hour, just when I thought I’d had my fill, I managed to score a ticket for the Saturday, which included a morning session of athletics and the full run of the Olympic Park. Once I met up with Sil, Sassy Bird and True Brit, we headed to the stadium.

Paralympics London 2012 Olympic Park entrance There’s more…