Fifty Shades Of Grey At B&Q… And We’re Not Talking About Paint!

Fifty Shades of Grey is coming to a cinema near you this weekend. As you would expect, the erotic publishing juggernaut has had all sorts of merchandising tat attached to the film adaptation to mark its release, including sex toys (to be expected), baby changing mats (50 shades of brown!) and Surf fabric softener (wait… what?!!). Of all the mad things connected to this film, B&Q had to be the most random in my eyes, but of course, if you’re a fan of the book, the link is as natural as having a cup of 50 shades of Earl Grey tea (yes, they’re selling that too).

I was idly listening to the news when I heard about a memo sent to B&Q staff, telling them to be prepared for the surge in cable ties, masking tape and rope, as used by Christian Grey in the book. Now I was interested. This fully tickled my love of the ridiculous. Here’s a sample of the memo:

“As the UK’s leading DIY store we stock many of the products featured in this notable scene and then used later in the film.
“When the book was released in 2012 DIY and hardware stores in the UK and US reported increased demand of certain products and queries from customers as they tried to recreate their own Fifty Shades experiences. We need to be prepared for the same effect when the film is released this month.”

I say Fair play to them. I’ve always had a positive experience in the few visits I’ve made to B&Q. Their sensitivity to this issue certainly won’t hurt their sales. As a B&Q spokesman said:

“B&Q remains committed to serving our customers in all their DIY needs and we strive to prepare our staff for any inquiry. Customer satisfaction is always our number one priority.”

Of course, there’s nothing in that quote which leaves room for double entendre….

I suppose it’s better buying tape, rope and ties for a bit of BDSM than people deciding to channel their inner Denzel Washington in badass mode and buying a nail gun in Home Depot.